il0vey0u*

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

byebye messmy-life.blogspot.com.

thanks to some unforseen circumstances.

if you think you are the cause of me having to miss my blog, then so be it. think whatever you want, cuz i really do not care anymore.

just get a life.!

it may be back somehow. shall see..

came across this v nice blog.

www.true-maine.blogspot.com

damn nice. hahahas. but dunno why got password lehx. only her friends can go in. not her friends, then shoo off i guess? (:

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|15:19|

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

if i leave some things unsaid in my entries, means that i have my reasons for keeping it from public.

if what i say affects you so much, stop reading my blog.

just because of anyone of you, i shall stop blogging.

thanks for reading. good morning.

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|06:31|

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

mummy loves me!

damn SBS. can they choose someone who can drive FASTER? and choose a driver who is more SENSIBLE??

Chris, joyce, Darling^ting and MUMMY woke me up. and i was up early! and i got outta the house early! but the bus was STILL late. same driver as yest. darn. i await for a miracle for him to drive faster. but urghx. not only did he drive slow today. he even got outta his seat manyatimes to REPAIR THE DOOR WHICH IS NOT CLOSING. cant he see that it was close to 10 and many pple are late? cant he use his brains? RAHHH. i feel like screaming at him. but i managed to study many things on the bus. cuz it was SLOW ENOUGH. felt like as if it wasnt moving. rahs. obviously i was late AGAIN. sorrie those who cared so much for my lateness. i shall NOT TAKE BUS WHICH IS DRIVEN BY THIS DRIVER. RAHHH!! i cant imagine how long he's gonna take if there is to be a jam. 2 hours to reach my school? cuz the traffic this morning was light. and he took 1 hour and 5 mins. damn him.

POM was. haha. haha. and HAHAHAHA. many of us came up with our own theories. and some of them i mixed them up. rahh. this is what i get from not being able to STUDY WELL. thanks to **ahem*. nvm, i dont blame him. i was only studying when he called me to lift my moods for studying away, thats all. lolx. thanks chris for comforting me by saying you are also coming back for sup paper. you wont larx. hahas. *fingers crossed.

and i saw HIM!! i dunno who he is. but he's.. CUTE. goshies. i din know there were cuties in my sch. think he's from ting's class. woooo~ getting to know him will be nice!!~

left the hall early. TOO EARLY. meeting time with harn was 2. and it was like only 1215 larx. then joined the 'Genting Highlands' at the bus stop. and chris's cigs smelled nice! (i'm not calling him uncle that much, he isnt that old after all (:) and i was a lil high to the smell. but i DID NOT DO IT. (: *3 cheers for me? (((:

dilly dallied. thought we cld hop on haikel's car cuz he might be going to kallang. but booos. they were going for lunch first. din have sufficient time to join them and joyce din really wanna eat. so.. we TOOK OUR OWN SWEET TIME to walk and stroll. lolx. we were really really SLOW.

and i was gladly on time! surprise arrival by fishii. yupps. went to collect my stuffs. hanged out a lil. teevee-ed. and i.. was initially doubtful of what my feeling was when i saw him. at first, i think it was. avoidance. then i looked deeper into him. then i realized that my heart was damn messy. din know how i felt. was so damn pissed with myself. i wasnt allowed to eat ice cream cuz my mum's eldest sister ish here. but i couldnt take it. cuz i might just slap myself for contradicting my feelings. gobbled the ice cream. the melted ice cream shall i say. then the cramps came in. RAHHHS. but it was the cramps which made my thoughts clear. idk why. but it just did. i stared at him. i felt my heart. and i found out, i wanna talk to him, and crap with him. like how we did in the past. for the very first time, i thought i will cry, but i din. i thought my heart will ache, but it din ache the way i intended it to. my heart did ache. but it was when i saw that he isnt as happie as i thought he may be. he smiled, laughed and joked. but the feeling was.... idk, somehow different.

i did talked to him. but he gave me the feeling of "i'm not in the mood to talk to you" kinda thing. it made me stepped back. made the phobia to talk to him arise. i dunno. maybe i was too sensitive but this are my EXACT FEELINGS. I CROSS MY HEART. and for the very first time. i wasnt reminded of the moments we had tgt. and for the very first time, i had forgotten that we were once tgt. SERIOUSLY. i felt relieved having this kinda feeling. i dunno why the sudden... idk. idk.

so i thought abt it when we were on our way leaving. think and think and think. then i realized. maybe, just maybe. it wasnt love. it was a love, for a friend. idk. or maybe it was lovED, no more love. idk. but i was rather certain that there isnt the feelings. there isnt THAT KINDA FEELINGS. think shoo. so i called him to tell him. but he seemed. heck care. hurrms. made me think so much for nothing. nvm. i just hope he will treat me well, i treat him well. and we'll talk like we did in the past. or maybe even better.. cuz he is a nice person larhx. the impression he gave me wasnt fantastic. butss. maybe a lil change in perception towards him now ler.. yupp yupp. ((:

then we hunted for stingray!! no RAY RAY in bedok. boooohoos. then we headed to bugis. hunt hunt hunt. and i was so touched by baobei larhx. baobei, no needa so ping ming de. there is always a next time.. you acted as if i were gonna die tmr. hahas. that gives us a reason to meet up agn! ((: i know how much you want me to be happie to eat stingray. BUT. i want AOL to eat tgt. not only the three of us XD alrights?

had MOSburger.. wooooshhh. i like~ but both fishii and i were so blotted from the ice cream. we cld hardly swallow. lolx. and they wont allow me to drink ICED MILK TEA... ): thats the thing i crave for at MOSburger.. they order HOT milk tea fer me.. )): sad. sad. sad. SAD! but!! i was happie. cuz i am happie. maine ish happie agn. talked talked talked alot. while fishii went to the ladies to settle her 'golden bowl' LOL. yupps. i enjoyed my day with euuus. *love. **BIG huggs.

hunted for baobei's baggie. din manage to find.. huurmms. so we bought ermm. (is it convenient to say?) ok. i shall leave it for later to disclose. keke.

headed home cuz fishii's feet were killing her. and the rain was darn heavy. rawrs!! i think i'm old. i'm suffering from rheumetism larx.. damn sad. i was caught in the rain. sobs. and called mummy! and she's willing to save mee!!wahahas. my heroine brought an umbrella to my rescue!! woooshhh!!!~ mummy loves mee..

and mummy's buying me a new phone for my bdae!! wooooo!!! mummy really loves me.. mummy cooked dinner for me, despite me telling her no dinner every wednesday! woooo!! she loves meee. and mummy bought my fav castard fer mee!! i feel so loved.

and i snatched the teevee from edwin. my SINGAPORE IDOL..... JONATHAN!! precisely, i won the battling of teevee, cuz i gave up my lappy for him to play. thanks to mummy, who supported me!! mummy loves me alot.. (((:

JON JON JON!! I LOVE HIM.. i was so mesmorized by him. jon! pls take my soul away. and i thought hady was a better singer than i thought he was. yupps. and paul WASNT AS BAD AS WHAT KEN SAID OK! i thought his hair was alright, it din affect his emotions okie!! and being ILL IS NOT AN OFFENSE! "just because of your medical condition, you may be going home tmr." *i qoute. WTH. dont tell me you've never been sick before. i think the person going home is jasmine. yea.. she wasnt good. wrong choice of songs also. to mee larx. yeps yeps. thats abt it.

taught YY and darren how to play maple. provided them with lotsa things and money larhx. haha i'm so nice. (:

you asked me to smile and laugh fer you, but why arent you smiling and laughing fer me? *smile pls. (: I will always love you, my best friend..

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|20:12|

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

dreams do not come true

yeps. its been a dream. i thought my dream came true and my wishes were granted. but none of these can be brought to reality. reality is disastrous, tormentous. i have to accept it.

i will never forget what you said. whether or not its true. "i not only want Alfred to hurt you. i want to hurt you even more." i take it that thats what you want. thats what brought us to what we are now.

maybe its better off now. i can BLOG WHAT I REALLY FEEL. i dont hafta hide anymore. you have said things which hurt me. VERY MUCH. i'm not sad over losing you. i'm not sad over how you feel. cuz i've expected all these. seriously. i've never pinned any hopes, cuz i know whats going on. its the things you say, the lies you command that i say fer you. i'm pissed. i'm not afraid to admit that yes, i've cried. and still crying. still aching. but i believe it will be over soon. with so many supporters around me. i dowanna see them sad. i wanna let them see the smiling me. i promise to you my dears, i will not let you down. i will not shed a tear in front of any of you. fret not. (:

i dunno what else to say. mixed emotions. i'm so tired from the sobbings. i wish i can just stop right now.

neways. POA today. was late for the paper. damn. idiotic bus took more than an hour. made me run. stupid.. and they lost my seat larx. double damn. and the paper was a stranger to me. God knows why. haha, actually it's obvious lar. i din study. i couldnt answer the theory parts at all. and the calculation parts were. ahem* gone~ just hope that i will be awarded marks for the format. ROFL.

i finished the paper like in less than 2 hours. left at 1240 larx. and waited. and waited for the princess JOYCE. dunno whats the point of staying inside when nothing comes into the head. and whats the point of staying inside when the balance sheet doesnt balance. it will not *poof* balance just by you staring at it??!! HAHAHA. i'm so evil, but true what. thats why i gave up.

just pray that i will pass. (:

POM.. POM. a? POM! AHHH!! POM!!! RAHHHS!!~~ POM TMR!! goshies. i just cant find the mood to mug larx. mood~~ come come please~~ maybe i must be like chris. a few sticks to make the brain cells come back to me. lolx. i dont think i need the brain cells back. i think i need my soul back. so is it that i need a few packs? rahhs!

and i think my mood swings' here. swing swing swing ard~~ 270 degrees currently. i teared while chatting with haikel chris and joyce while eating. darn. whats wrong with me. they are such joyful bunch. and a bunch who FORCES me to study WITH THEM. sorrie ar. i prefer own time own target. (: bleahs!

haiz. lemme pack up my feelings and emotions before proceeding to study.

how do you expect me to face you in the near future!! RAHHS!

and oh ya. joyce made me take this pic yest in school while THEY were studying, i was stonning. hahas.

chipmunk in action. "where's my walnut??" (:

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|15:52|

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

emotional? mood swings?

FUCK

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|00:58|

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

Monday, August 28, 2006

How do you expect me to react?

Maybe you dont understand gurls that well yet.

what am i suppose to respond when you had the intention to hide IT from me.

what am i suppose to say when i know abt it and you din assure me with anything?

what am i suppose to do if all turn out the way i imagine it to?

i HATE IT.

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|13:02|

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Unfair treatment

maybe i have been doing the wrong things. it might have been hurting others silently, without me noticing. darn. how evil can i bee?

i force so hard not to hate myself for making this decision. but there seem to be regretful minds and implusive thoughts. making me suffocate and catching for breath. i wish i can just die this very moment. i wish, but i cant.

the fear of falling in love is presence. the hatred towards myself is existent. making me stumble on my own footsteps. what a bitch can i be. fuck it.

and my godammit attendance is not fulfilled. freaks. and i'm still waiting for a response. urghx. this is heart renching.

and i havent been studying hard. the motivation level had dropped to NEGATIVE. my results are out. and i am so DAMN NOT HAPPIE. i got A, B+ and a C. FUCKING C. damnn. why should they care so much abt attendance when i got an A when i skipped so many of POA? lousy freaks. brainless bimbos and jerks.

i am just FUCKED UP. sorrie if i had offended anyone.

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|17:45|

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

class BBQ was a BLAST. i din imagine myself to enjoy it so wells. i thought it'll be a BBQ filled with awkwardness and hostility. wahahas. i'm beginning to love em more. i'm starting to miss them. i cant wait to hug each and everyone of them right now. ESPECIALLY the people who planned and organized this BBQ. it shall be the best thing ever to do for our class.

arrived there early. helped out. cam whoring. wooohooos!

the breeze was fabulous. i wish i could stay there for the night. then i rem how i used to tear like hell the moment i look towards the sea. and yar, i nearly did when i faced it. but Kree joked abt me, YY daring me to jump into the water. hahas. it lifted up my spirits. and photo taking with joyce, Kiko and emily , those who went to crush joyce's house earlier on. hahas.

started to talk to people whom we have never talked to in class. bonds established to those who we do not really hang out with. but some are still as arrogant as we see them as in class. yupps. (i'm straightfoward) neways. and did i mention i'm from America? wahahahas. it was Chris (not uncle Chris) with his, "i'm from India" joke. and Joyce (as usual), is from Korea. and Jason being so KIND to take over the BBQ-ing of chicken wings and others, so that we can enjoy BBQ-ing the marshmellows. XD thanks jason!

and i really cannot forget the joke lar. i meant to bring up the atmosphere of the event. so i got a lil high.. errr, maybe too high. LOL. "ooo, i want the THICKEST, LONGEST, SO IT'S THE JUICIEST, i like.. " hahahahaha. we had so much fun lar.. and they hell bought alotta SAUSAGES. as if to welcome them into MY MOUTH. wahahahas. just thinking back makes me laugh like an idiot.

the BBQ-ing was soon taken over cuz SOMEPEOPLE arrived. and it just irks me. at the sight of. urghx, whatever.

had sips of YY's alcohol. one was henieken, then was hoegarden (or however it's spelled). then it was a 'ladies' drink' from Kree. those made me a lil high, INSIDE. grr, i din get a chance to have a gulp of the whisky. darn. nevermind, there's always a next time.

JOYCE'S CHALET. WAHAHAS.

neways. joyce was high too, she had a lil alcohol too lar. i stopped them from giving her most of the time cuz she's underage and i dowanna send her home, DRUNK. how do i explain to her parents? so.. ya.
we started swaying up and down, running and did stupid things, from what i rem. we danced. yesh, on our way back and fro 7-11.

and waited for HIM. =DDDD ohh how much i missed him, and he appeared in front of mee. XD *loves, loves, LOVES!!!

lotsa photos taken. but we really missed out quite alotta pple in the photo taking. shall do it on JOYCE'S CHALET. weeee!!~ esp uncle chris!! and jowe!! and.. and and.. lotsa pple!!

chilling at joyce's house. look how OBSESSED kiko is. with a stress ball. LOL.

Joyce and i. we just love nature XD

common phrase before and after the photo-taking

"AHHHA, hair messy!" lol.

my two cutie pies.

DURING the BBQ Kree and Joyce @ work. well done ar. xD

the machos. YY and a lil of Jason. kees.

ladies at work. arent we fantastic? =D

YY AGAIN. so act cute. Xp

special creation of YY and Joyce XD

my THICK, LONG AND JUICY ONES..

let's pose for the cam =D

stef.. my "love, love..." LOLX.

two of my beloved..

emily, the strange. hahahha. just kidding my baby. =D

ahhhhhh.. after hours of being in front of the burning chacols.. my face was on FIRE. just feels great, if it were WITHOUT STEF'S FOOT! RAAAHH.

off we went, in search of our MR PRINCE CHARMING XD

more photos shall be updated when Kiko and Lily send me theirs. =D

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|13:47|

Love me, Kiss me, Embrace me.

Monday, August 21, 2006

i am loved.

i am protected.

i am letting go of things that i hafta let go.

i am plain happy.

maine ish happy^^

all because. YOU entered my life <3

0nce up0n a time... i believed.
|11:41|